Proclaiming my Identity

The enemy knows me all too well and he seems to be attacking me from every angle lately. Last night was no exception, except this latest battle came roaring in, in a way I didn't expect. You see ... even in the midst of all the latest physical struggles, (You can read my previous blog which explains more in case you missed it.) I've wanted to have some kind of normalcy in life – so it seemed like returning to work from home on an part-time basis for several weeks was the best option. I've been super blessed with the flexibility to be able to do my job from home and co-workers who have filled in for me as needed. However, once I started responding to emails again after being completely offline for several days, I've had a hard time 'checking out' again, limiting it to only part-time and providing the complete physical and mental rest that my body truly still needs to heal and recover.

So let me back up to last night … because of my inability to 'check out,' of work, even after the snowy weather that closed the offices early for the day, I logged in last evening only to see an email that left me feeling like a brick had just smacked me in the face with the amount of emotions that followed. You see, I realized I had dropped the ball on a project and failed to do my part in order to meet a deadline for TODAY. My mind began racing and the negative thoughts from the enemy quickly flooded my mind. I felt like a COMPLETE FAILURE. I felt like I had instantly let people down and my level of worth and value immediately dropped. This was not a typical representation of my dedication ... now what would people think? I had no one to blame but myself ... sure I had been in the hospital a week prior; sure I'm still recovering; sure there's been a lot of stress pressed upon me lately, but really ... how could I have messed up this badly. I was frustrated and angry with nobody but myself.

While I ended up working last night for several hours to make some headway on the project, the emotional struggle and lies continued well into the night. The enemy had a tight grip on me and I struggled seeing past them. However that's not the point …

After a few short hours of sleep I woke up way to early this morning – but I believe this was because GOD WANTED TO GET MY ATTENTION. He wanted to fill me His love and fill me with His TRUTHS. He wanted to remind me that my IDENTITY is not found in my job, nor is it found in my performance. He wanted to remind me that there is GRACE for those that make mistakes – such as I. He wanted to remind me that His love for me does not change based off of my performance, and that the accidental mistake I made is not the end of the world … the repercussions aren't going to harm anything or anyone.

Additionally, God lead me to Lamentations 3:22-23 which reads, "The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning." Praise the Lord for His new mercies each and every new day! Has today been easy? … NO, the enemy is still trying hard to tear me down; however, I'm refusing to let him win. God is on my side, His presence is near, and I know that He will NEVER let me go or give up on me. Today I'm proclaiming that my IDENTITY is not found in my job, but rather it is ONLY found in JESUS CHRIST.

2 Corinthians 1:22 "He has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything He has promised us."