Two weeks
ago today, as I laid in the hospital room with the unexpected medical emergency
(read more here if you missed it), came the thoughts and questions of, "Would I be able to travel to Thailand like planned
in just two weeks to spend a week with my sister?" So naturally of course,
with every nurse and doctor that came into my room that Thursday,
the first question that I asked was:
"What are my probabilities of being able to
travel internationally in two weeks?"
Each time I
asked the question, I received the same gut-stabbing response of:
"No, with your diagnosis and condition there are just way
to many risks involved and you will most likely still need oxygen for a while after we send you home from the hospital. I'm sorry."
Each time I
received this answer, I immediately broke down in tears. This trip had been
planned for weeks and getting the opportunity to just live life with my sister
for a week while she was on a mini-vacation from serving where God has called
her to, was a HUGE DEAL. My sister and I share something special - YES, we are
biological sisters and YES, we are sisters in Christ, but we also share a very
special friendship that is unexplainable.
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How is Gods timing perfect in this
situation? What is Gods purpose in all of this? How can God use this for His
good? How do I move forward in the midst of the huge amount of disappointment I
feel?
Disappointments
are inevitable and to say they are painful is an understatement – no matter what
their magnitude. However, I was reminded
yesterday morning of some of the disappointments that Jesus faced during His
lifetime here on earth. Imagine for a moment the disappointment Jesus faced
when people didn't pay attention to the Good News of the Gospel? What about the
times when His twelve disciples were filled with doubt and didn't believe? How
would Jesus have responded to His own disappointments in life?
Perhaps
Jesus' greatest disappointment was when God didn't save Him from the cross. Our response to disappointment is important and I pray that it would become less about what we desire and more about what God
desires for us. Just as Jesus prayed when He asked God to spare Him the
suffering that He already knew He would face on the cross, "yet not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42). Jesus ultimately overcame
the greatest disappointment for us all.
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Life's
circumstances haven't come as a surprise to God. So, how can I blame Him. I
CAN'T. You see ... it's NOT God that has disappointed me, it's the
circumstances of life that have truly disappointed me: Not getting to spend a
week with my sister; not getting to visit a Compassion center; not getting to
travel internationally. I may never understand the why's in all of this, but I'm daily trying to TRUST and surrender
my disappointment over to God who has been and will continue to carry me in the
palm of His hands.
Even this evening,
as sad as I am that I'm not in an airport right now getting ready to embark on
my 30+ hour journey to Thailand … I've been reminded again just how thankful I am for LIFE.
I'm thankful that God saw fit to spare my life and that I was able to get the
medical help I needed at 6000 feet in elevation in a country that speaks my
native language, instead of it happening at 35,000 feet or being in a foreign country where the native language is Thai.
"And we know that God causes everything to
work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to
His purpose for them." –Romans 8:28
